Bucket list to Joy

My sister and cousin checked off a big bucket list item, sky diving! While I bowed out, not being much of a thrill seeker, my sister asked, "What is on your Bucket List?"  That has taken some thought.  I made a bucket list the year I turned 50 (almost 3 years ago) in a post of a blog that I kept for the year, doing something new every week of my fiftieth year on earth!  Here it is a few years later...still some to go, and some I just don't want to do anymore.  I know this about myself, I'm not a thrill seeker, my life is full of enough anxiety, but I am an adventurer...my goal is simple, experience adventure and find ways to relax...as economically as possible!

1.    write a book, still a goal, but I'm less excited and motivated, maybe just finish the one I started

2.    hike every week  OK, NOT REALISTIC in San Diego without a lot of driving which is anything but relaxing.

3.    Go on a volunteer trip abroad still a goal, maybe create my own

4.    Take an Alaskan cruise  Johnny would prefer a driving adventure

5.    visit ancient mayan ruins in Mexico Christmas 2017!

6.    visit the aztec ruins at four corners  still a goal

7.    Grow a vegetable garden  not likely...but maybe

8.    Do NaNoWriMo  see #1

9.    join a book club  I DID!

10. be a literacy volunteer I got certified but never did it, it's a big commitment, lol

11. Journal regularly check

12. go sailing check

13. go on a wine tasting tour check

14. make a happiness project check (Joy blog)

15. stop being co-dependent HAHAHAHAHA

16. buy a new car check

17. beat my anxiety see #15

18. learn to make video youtubes check

19. Go to Paris check

20. Lose 20 pounds  see #15

21. Visit Machu Picchu still a goal

22. Buy red heels. check

23. skinny dip in the ocean check SERIOUSLY DID IT!  Will never do it again.

24. Read Les Miserables uh, no, way too long, but saw the movie, it counts

25. get a raise check (two since then!!!)  I'm hoping for another one...

26. go on a weekend meditation by myself still a goal

27. be a vegetarian for 30 days not really necessary

28. treat myself to a health spa trip still a goal

29. take a dance class  does zumba count?

30. get rid of the age spots on my face  I had a peel but it didn't work

 31. Yoga four times a week I try

32. blog weekly check

33. build a Habitat for Humanity home  it's a nice thought but I've had enough of building houses, I live in an apartment so I'm not likely to build a home for someone else...oh yea, I already did that...twice, argh.

 34.  make some new friends check

35.  LOVE more and JUDGE less work in progress forever and ever

My new list is mostly travel, a fantastic trip every year until I can retire:

1. Train trip in the US
2. Hike Machu Picchu
3. Alaskan driving adventure 
4. Spain with Melissa when she graduates
5. Health Spa trip
6. Take all 4 kids to Yellowstone at some point
7. Cancun/Ruins 2017
8. Maui/snorkeling 2016
9. Amsterdam/Brussels/Berlin
10. Polynesian Islands 
11. Greece
12. San Juan Islands

As well as some zen daily practices:

1. Yoga and meditation practice
2. Read and write daily
3. Drink tea
4. Eat less meat and more vegetables
5. Walk more, goal 10,000 steps
6. Shut up sooner (therapist advice for better relationships)

Photographic Joy

I love the technology of digital cameras and phones so we can take as many pictures as we want at no cost.  It wasn't that long ago that you had to actually buy film and pay to print photos.  My biggest problem is the amount of photos I have and not knowing quite how to organize them or keep them.  I have them all over the place, Flickr, two Facebook accounts, as well as miscellaneous blogs over the years.  I've also had them on computers but I always lose them when the computer crashes so I keep them all online now.  Of course, there is also all the old printed ones in photo albums and scrapbooks.  Those were a lot of work and I don't even enjoy getting out the old dusty books.

I LOVE having all the photos, I love looking back at all the memories of my life, my children, my friends, my travels...and even my food!  It brings back all the incredible sights, sounds and tastes.

One of my favorite things to do is create slide shows of my photos with music.  It's even easy to just take a photo of an old print photo and upload it!  I'm not a perfectionist and don't really want to take the time to be that creative so am thrilled that YouTube allows you to create a quick slide show with as many photos as you want and store it online with all your other slide shows.

I can just sit and watch them over and over with background music.  I have them of my children, my travels, wedding and honeymoon, even my first mud run.  They aren't professional photos or professional videography, just me and my memories in a quick slide show with music (although some of them are missing the music since I didn't know what I was doing!), easy to keep up with...no stress, lots of joy!  My YouTube Slide shows - Memories of Joy

One of my favorites for Mother's Day today:

The joy of being brave...sometimes you are just ready!

Friday was a big day for one of my hubby's students.  This 13 year old boy has down syndrome and never has had a regular hair cut.  He didn't like anyone touching him and his mom had to resort to cutting his hair while he slept, when necessary.  As part of public special education life skills are tied into math, English, science, and history lessons...trying to assimilate the kids into a normal classroom despite many not likely to graduate high school and more importantly adapting school lessons into life lessons that will give them more independence, it's not an easy task with a classroom full of special needs kids.

This boy had a fascination recently with barber shops so it was incorporated into his daily lessons like making posters for English about barbers, downloading photos for computer skills, etc.  He liked the old time barber handle bar mustaches.  

My hubby decided to take the risk and take him down to a real barber...actually the local Super Cut store about a mile from school as part of a school lesson.  My hubby got permission from mom but she was certain he would not even consider an actual hair cut.  But for whatever reason, this day, he was ready.  Was it his male teacher and friend that went with him, a manly bonding experience?  Was it all the preparation of talking about barbers?  Who knows, but this day he was ready to be brave and lucky to have all the right supporters in his corner for the experience.  

The hair stylist was a champ, chatting it up with him and even taking the time with the styling gel, teaching him to create a wave in his hair and giving him the chance to practice doing it himself.  He had a pediatric dentist in the chair getting a hair cut next to him, cheering him on and enjoying this big step in his life.  Mom was delightfully surprised that her little boy had done a pretty grown up thing that day and grateful for a teacher that works so hard to help the kids accomplish their goals.

We rarely recognize true bravery in others, it is often such a personal moment of triumph that it looks like nothing to the outside world.  If we are lucky we are close enough to someone who lets us in on those personal moments of pure bravery against their own struggles or weaknesses. Even though I don't know this student of my husband's, I feel lucky to hear his story and share in his triumph. I'm grateful when I can share with someone close my own brave moments and that they can cheer me on recognize what a big moment it is for me.  Unfortunately, often, we are being brave all on our own...and that's the bravest of all!

My favorite song on being brave:

Joie de Vivre

joie de vivre: joy of life

After the Paris terrorist attacks recently a friend of mine posted on her Facebook page underneath a picture of her and her husband enjoying a good dinner:

"If we stop living, they win. Viva la France!"

I was taken back at first but then I thought about it and loved the sentiment.  It is heartbreaking to bear witness to or be touched by so many horrible things in the world, but she's right, we can't let those that want to hurt us or the random natural disasters determine our joy.  We only have this one life and we're all in it together.  Easier said then done but a battle worthy of our efforts. 

It's looking for the rainbow after the rain, making lemonade out of lemons, turning a frown upside down. Old cliche's that still inspire us to look for the light in the darkness. 

I'm all about feeling our emotions, expressing the pain and giving grief its rightful space.  We need to work through the messy stuff, and yes, that can take a long time, even months...or years...or an entire lifetime for some of the most difficult situations.  
Life is full of tragedy, sorrow and injustice...but even in the mist of it, there is magic to be found in the mess.  Laughter with a good friend that listens to your deepest thoughts, feeling the sun on your skin, the taste of delicious food, relaxing in a hot bath, holding a new born child, a loved one that sticks with you through it all.  There are so many magical moments that exist despite the circumstances we find ourselves in. This is the meaning of joie de vivre, or the joy of life.  Sometimes it's harder to look at things as joyful when we are in so much pain but again, it's worth the effort, sometimes that may be all there is when things are at their worst...stolen moments of joy.

Just in case you need help, I love the WikiHow links, yes, they even have a HOW TO for this!

How to Capture Joie de Vivre

The Joy of Traveling Alone

Now that I'm older and have no kids in tow I have more opportunity to travel, Yes, it is often to visit my kids but still, it counts.  I have come to really enjoy traveling by myself since often my hubby can't come because of work.

As I sit today at the airport en route from the west coast to the east coast to visit loved ones I'm contemplating the joys of a day spent flying around by myself:




1.  Time to read on my phone, magazines, regular books...they are all with me.

2.  Conversation with strangers sitting next to me, I seriously know this thirty year old girls whole life after 3 hours of talking on the plane and I don't even know her name.

3.  Time to blog (made my weekly submission!).

4.  People watching, I love imaging what their lives are like.  People watching is a great way to come up with a fictional story.



5.  Eating at the airport, the big ones have so many choices and always chocolate shops.  Just had a yummy blue cheese/cranberry/walnut salad.

6.  The thrill of going up and down in a plane, does that ever get old?

7.  I feel free, I'm no longer in the box of my life, no one knows me but me!

8. Walking through the airport with your headphones on and your favorite music...if you haven't tried it, you must.  It feels surreal, like you're the character in a movie and ANYTHING can happen!

9.  All worries are out the window because I'm suspended in this space that doesn't exit in my life or anyone else's. I'm just traveling.

10. Having my backpack of everything important to me, food, water, reading material, phone, camera, makeup, computer, paper, pens, glasses, money, ID,  power plugs, jacket, and clean underwear, I got it all and I'm ready for anything!

I've actually traveled alone for a weekend to the beach and a week to a Writer's Retreat, both after I divorced.  It felt scary and exhilarating at the same time.  I felt so grown up!  It's not scary anymore. I think I could do a whole trip alone almost anywhere if I had to...if no one was available or I just needed space just for me.  Especially with all the iPhone tour apps, you can just put on your phone and walk through the city and get an incredible history lesson.  Of course, there is a lot of magic in having someone special to share it all with.

The world is a fascinating place...I look forward to seeing more of it!

.

Joy of Pearls

I love pearls, not only for their beautiful appearance but also for the way they are created in nature. Pearls provide a beautiful metaphor to life and relationships.


Pearls are created inside of an oyster over a long period of time. They begin with an irritation, a piece of grit that has made its way inside the little muscle, a foreign substance such as a piece of sand or coral. Substances which by themselves are beautiful but in the environment of the oyster, they create irritation.


















In defense, the oyster covers that irritant with a secretion called nacre, or more commonly known as mother-of-pearl, which begins the formation of a pearl.  It's interesting to consider this secretion as the mother since we think of mothers as guides and caretakers for the most vulnerable.  Isn't that exactly what this secretion is doing, nurturing the little pearl into existence?







This is the reason I chose a pearl as the gem in my wedding band, it reminds me of who we are and can be to each other, as well as the goal we are trying to create through our time together.

As part of our wedding vows we used the story of the pearl as a metaphor for the union we were creating at marriage...the beginning of something that would hopefully be even more beautiful after a lifetime together while acknowledging we would be the irritants within that union as well as the source to nurture it into something beautiful.

We both had been in long term marriages before, we were well aware of our own weaknesses and the challenges involved in keeping a marriage going.  And to top it off we were bringing a heck of a lot of baggage from our previous lives.  We weren't just throwing in two irritants but two huge suitcases being dumped in all at once.  Our little pearl needed a whole lot of nurturing from each of us as well as some therapy along the way.


Interestingly, we don't even see the pearl without patience while it is being created, formed and discovered.  Someone needs to take the time to look for it, find it, dig it out, polish it.   Every pearl is different and there is beauty in their uniqueness...they are as individual as we are. There are a few levels of metaphor in the discovery process itself, I'll leave you to think about that.


Another thing shared as part of our marriage vows was a poem an old friend gave to me.  Her husband was a cowboy poet that performed around the area we lived.  He had a deep cowboy voice and dressed the part.  He was a cattle rancher, a true cowboy.  He didn't write the poem, it was just an anonymous poem he found somewhere that touched him deeply and did me as well.  It is the essence of a relationship, a pearl being formed in a safe environment to flourish into its most authentic and natural beauty.

When I see the pearl on my finger, this is what I'm reminded of and have to question:  Am I creating the environment for my husband to truly come as he is?  This is the place I want to live and be welcomed in, so it must be the place I welcome him.

Come As You Are

So you're feeling weary and ragged in your soul

You're feelin' used up, a little less than whole

And you think that no one sees beyond your scars

But when it comes to love, you come as you are

Well it don't take looks and it don't take brains

It don't take money and it sure don't take fame

All you really need is a willin' heart

When it comes to love, you come as you are

Love takes the weak

And crowns it king

It takes what's broken down

And gives it wings

There's no judge and jury

So you can drop your guard

When it comes to love

You come as you are

Now we can't change mistakes of the past

But sweet forgiveness waits for those who ask

So take my hand, it's a place to start

When it comes to love, you come as you are

~Anonymous~

The Joy of Catalina Island

My hubby and I spent our honeymoon on Catalina Island in April 2011.  At the time it was just a cheap man's Hawaii, close enough for a weekend trip and $79 per night special at the Zane Grey Pueblo couldn't be beat.  The ferry was both fun and cheap compared to airfare anywhere else.  I didn't know much about the island at the time.

I decided to read about the author Zane Grey and his vacation home on the Island since we were staying there, the history of the pueblo and my love for books and writing called to me.  Others would have been bothered by the lack of luxury but I loved the authenticity, the seclusion on the hill, incredible view and zero electronics of any kind. Today the Zane Grey is closed for renovations, I hope they keep its authenticity, it is definitely a historical landmark.  It's also right next to the iconic and charming Chime Towers, another historical landmark, delighting the residence with it's bell sounds to this day.

I had visited the island as a teenager, camping with my family but had never stayed in Avalon so was very excited for the new adventure.  It was on that first stay in Avalon 5 years ago that I decided I wanted to celebrate our anniversary there every year.  I was in love.  Not only with my new husband but with the enchanting island and couldn't imagine anything more fun then celebrating these two loves every year.

We committed to each other and the island...at first we thought we'd always stay at the Zane Grey but after two years there we decided we'd try a new place on the island each year to get a varied experience, a decision we've really enjoyed and look forward to in the future.

The history on the island is extensive and intriguing, the multi-colored tiles, green pier and railings, clear water and harbor of boats, colorful vintage homes, and Spanish architecture are all aesthetically delightful.  Of course, the quaint little shops and many restaurants are just a plus.

The fact that you don't have a car (there are a some on the island for a few that live there) because the city is so small and they want to limit vehicles is another unique characteristic.  You can rent a golf cart and in less then two hours tour the entire city of Avalon, this intimacy with an island doesn't exist in very many places...especially affordable ones. Most of the island is a natural land conservancy (thank you Mr. Wrigley!) that you need a permit to hike or tour on jeeps.










The island's history ranges from William Wrigley, Jr. of Wrigley's gum fame and his Chicago Cubs baseball team (and an incredible home on the hill he built for his wife Ada in the 1920's where you can tour when you make a lunch reservation) to Hollywood movies and a Casino that is not a place to gamble at all...it gets its name from the Italians where casino means a gathering place, and a grand one it is!  Huge galas, entertainers, movie stars...this island has seen the best of them.

The movie theater on the main floor and the huge ballroom on the top floor are definitely worth the visit to see, the architecture is amazing.

Then in 1941 World War II turned Catalina Island into a Federal Military Zone, instead of parties and movies, it was all about training spies and other military personnel. Hotels became barracks and the marina, yacht club and spring training ballpark transformed into simulated war zones.  Pretty crazy history, huh?



And don't forget about the unique wildlife and botanical garden, a history all their own.



It may be boring or lack the luxury of other grand destinations but to me it is an enchanting getaway that carries with it a colorful history much like the tapestry of a life.  What better way to celebrate the colorful history and tapestry of a marriage over the years?

A new museum will open this year about the history on the island, not early enough for us to visit on this trip, but I look forward to visiting next year and learning just a little more about this enchanting place that has become our annual celebration of love and romance (and maybe a few battles too)...I couldn't have picked a better spot for it!

I even bought myself a little anniversary necklace to remember The Joy of Catalina Island:

Year 1 and 2: Zane Grey Pueblo
Year 3: Catlina Canyon Resort & Spa
Year 4: Hotel Catalina
Year 5:  Pavilion Hotel