I love pearls, not only for their beautiful appearance but also for the way they are created in nature. Pearls provide a beautiful metaphor to life and relationships.
Pearls are created inside of an oyster over a long period of time. They begin with an irritation, a piece of grit that has made its way inside the little muscle, a foreign substance such as a piece of sand or coral. Substances which by themselves are beautiful but in the environment of the oyster, they create irritation. 
In defense, the oyster covers that irritant with a secretion called nacre, or more commonly known as mother-of-pearl, which begins the formation of a pearl. It's interesting to consider this secretion as the mother since we think of mothers as guides and caretakers for the most vulnerable. Isn't that exactly what this secretion is doing, nurturing the little pearl into existence?
This is the reason I chose a pearl as the gem in my wedding band, it reminds me of who we are and can be to each other, as well as the goal we are trying to create through our time together.
As part of our wedding vows we used the story of the pearl as a metaphor for the union we were creating at marriage...the beginning of something that would hopefully be even more beautiful after a lifetime together while acknowledging we would be the irritants within that union as well as the source to nurture it into something beautiful.
We both had been in long term marriages before, we were well aware of our own weaknesses and the challenges involved in keeping a marriage going. And to top it off we were bringing a heck of a lot of baggage from our previous lives. We weren't just throwing in two irritants but two huge suitcases being dumped in all at once. Our little pearl needed a whole lot of nurturing from each of us as well as some therapy along the way.
Interestingly, we don't even see the pearl without patience while it is being created, formed and discovered. Someone needs to take the time to look for it, find it, dig it out, polish it. Every pearl is different and there is beauty in their uniqueness...they are as individual as we are. There are a few levels of metaphor in the discovery process itself, I'll leave you to think about that.
Another thing shared as part of our marriage vows was a poem an old friend gave to me. Her husband was a cowboy poet that performed around the area we lived. He had a deep cowboy voice and dressed the part. He was a cattle rancher, a true cowboy. He didn't write the poem, it was just an anonymous poem he found somewhere that touched him deeply and did me as well. It is the essence of a relationship, a pearl being formed in a safe environment to flourish into its most authentic and natural beauty.When I see the pearl on my finger, this is what I'm reminded of and have to question: Am I creating the environment for my husband to truly come as he is? This is the place I want to live and be welcomed in, so it must be the place I welcome him.
Come As You Are
So you're feeling weary and ragged in your soul
You're feelin' used up, a little less than whole
And you think that no one sees beyond your scars
But when it comes to love, you come as you are
Well it don't take looks and it don't take brains
It don't take money and it sure don't take fame
All you really need is a willin' heart
When it comes to love, you come as you are
Love takes the weak
And crowns it king
It takes what's broken down
And gives it wings
There's no judge and jury
So you can drop your guard
When it comes to love
You come as you are
Now we can't change mistakes of the past
But sweet forgiveness waits for those who ask
So take my hand, it's a place to start
When it comes to love, you come as you are
~Anonymous~
