Monday, February 1, 2016

Joy in Your Life Story


If my life was a book and I was the author, how would I want my story to go? 
Amy Purdy, Paralympian

As I do my research on joy I find there are two general assumptions that go along with the idea of finding joy: 1) That it's generally related to being happy and that you can't have joy without being happy; 2) That it's related to a relationship with or faith in a God or higher power (take your pick on the religious affiliation you want to make that assumption with).

I've come to the conclusion that both can be true and false at the same time.  In other words, it has far more to do with the person experiencing joy internally than anything external (including a belief in a God or higher power or any evidence of a happy life).  Basically, it's our own attitude and how we come to any predicament or circumstance we find ourselves in, whether we created it (by our choices) or it was beyond our control (others choices or just random natural occurrences in nature or our own mind/bodies).  This is not to say that we should just glibly expect people to be joyful in their pain and trauma, NOT EVEN CLOSE.  Empathy and complete acceptance of each other is certainly a needed and necessary support to any one of us with whatever small or large crisis we deal with.  The point is, for us to manage successfully a life that is constructive and enjoyable for ourselves as well as those around us, we do need to find that often difficult and rocky path to joy.  However, I do not want to diminish the difficult path it really is...as well as the daily work and process it takes.  Remember, it's a daily journey, not a destination!

This week I have been researching people who would not really have been expected to have found a life full of joy and yet not only managed to find it but found a way to share their experience and inspire us.  There are so many tragic experiences in life (and I don't think any of us escapes at least a few of them) from disease, rejection, false accusation, loneliness, chronic pain, death, suffering, grief, oppression, mental illness, poverty, slander, sexual or domestic or any other assault, robbery, natural or man-made disasters and accidents, legal and financial issues, the list is really endless.  I'm sure I've missed some of the ones you are currently dealing with and certainly don't dismiss the experience you are having by missing them in my list.  

The long and short of it is, how do people survive?  How do people move from tragedy and pain and still find a life worth living?  The brutal reality is, many don't.  Suicide is a sad and accessible option for many, leaving those of us behind to now cope with the sorrow and grief that comes from loving someone who felt they couldn't go on any longer.  Then there is those that just give up in life, isolate, hide, refuse to live in any constructive way (this is often not an option for those dealing with it so leave judgement off the table).  But for those who do go on and actually thrive, how do they do it? And how can we encourage everyone to keep struggling through the muck to see what's on the other side? How can we find inspiration to move past our own stuckness and move on in a better way and really find joy?  Below is just a few examples of inspiring people who created joy in a life that otherwise could have been anything but, may you be inspired by them as I have this week.

The first is Amy Purdy, a Paralympian who lost both her legs.  Her quote above is a great place to start when we experience tragedy.  We have a big plot twist in what may have been a simple life...where do we want our story to go?  Do WE really get to decide that?  Listen here:  

Another favorite:  David Roche, now comedian after developing a tumor in his face that has permanently disfigured him:

Sara Frankl passed away a few years ago from a chronic illness.  She created a blog called Choose Joy documenting her difficult path that inspired many.  It has now been made into a book, a compilation of lessons she learned while dying:

Although I don't consider atheism as adversity or a painful way of living, many religious folks would, this is an inspiring film about the life of joy many live without a belief in a God...if nothing else, try and understand this view of the world, an often persecuted yet growing perspective:

Jenny Lawson, using her own mental illness to create humor first with her blog and now she's written two books, what a way to take a perceived weakness and rock it!  She brings normalcy and acceptance to mental illness, you can't help but love her:

Jane McGonigal is a video game creator, she creates alternate realities.  After a concussion left her suicidal and bedridden, she created a game in her head called SuperBetter:  
Jane's Ted Talk

 Last but definitely not least, Monica Lewinsky...we all know her from the scandal of her past. What a brutal way to be dragged through the media at such a young age.  Here she leaves me in awe as she takes back her power and shares her experience of extreme shame... and if that isn't the essence of joy, I don't know what is...she is a Wonder Woman!
Monica Lewinsky's Story



Focusing on joy and what I want from my life, I have to ask myself these questions: 

If my life were a movie or book, how am I going to write the next chapter or scene? 

How do I deal with the plot twists, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically? 

How do I want my story to end...what
is the goal?  

Would I even want to read my own story?


Speaking of joyful and inspired living, if you have a chance to watch the below films, your life may just be changed a little, I know mine was:





There are so many more stories to watch or read about.  What is your favorite inspirational story of moving past being stuck in our pain, grief, mind or body to creating a life of joy and inspired living?  Look around your own life, who are the every day people in your life that leave you in awe?  You will find them everywhere when you start to look for them.  They are the ones that just keep on going, no matter what life tosses their way.  The trick to remember about joy is, it's real.  You can fake happy with a smile.  You can't fake joy. The expression of our experiences matter, we can't hide from them, we can't pretend it's easier than it is.  Joy requires authenticity.  And that's the struggle of joy, authenticity and owning our story, it's the biggest challenge we face in life.




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