Tribal Joy

I'm weird.  I'm not sure when I realized that or if I just always knew to hide the weird parts of myself, the parts that seemed different than other people's parts.  

But then when I met someone for the first time who 'got me' the whole world flipped upside down.  You mean I'm OK?  You mean someone likes me like this and I don't have to hide?  It's an amazing feeling to have someone see YOU and really like YOU.  It's pure JOY!

We all know that feeling when we are just being tolerated versus when we are really accepted and celebrated.  It doesn't necessarily happen very often for most of us.  When you do find those people...or person, it may only be one in a lifetime, savor it, you are lucky!  

My husband often reminds me of his grandfather telling him that he may only find one person in life that will be his best friend, that he can trust completely, that will understand him, put up with him and even celebrate him.  And one is enough.  

He said if you are really lucky, it's the one you marry and stick with for life. But not everyone gets that one person for life, some never get it, some get it early in life and others late in life.  Some only get it for a little while.  

Regardless of whether you have it, had it or are looking for it, this I know: Tribes change as we change.  Our beliefs change, our perspectives change, our circumstances and situations change.  

Sometimes our tribes need to change too.  So don't be afraid to keep looking when you outgrow one. You can appreciate the tribes you've had while finding one that may fit a bit better.  You can also have simultaneous tribes, a book club, a dinner group, a church family, an artists group, a Facebook group, whatever floats your boat. There is probably someone out there looking for a tribe, too...be open to it!

One of the best essays I've ever read about tribes and the effects they have on us is one about tribal shame by the author, Elizabeth Gilbert BEWARE OF TRIBAL SHAME, it's a long read but well worth it.  It helps to understand how tribes work to find the most joy within them or without them as the case may be.  May the tribe (of your choosing) be with you! 

Wearing Joy

There is a whole movement it seems to 'Wear Your Joy", who'd of thought?  But the reality is, haven't we been doing that for years but just didn't call it that?  What is wearing your Joy?  Wearing what ignites Joy IN YOU, of course!  This is a shirt my cousin bought, why?  Because it ignites Joy in her.

I tend to only wear things I enjoy...some of my favorites are cowboy boots or flip flops, long silver necklaces with charms, and jeans...everyday...I love finding things to wear that just make me happy, like my red cowboy boots or Wonder Woman flip flops.  Shoes are definitely a favorite since it doesn't matter how much I weigh at any point in time.  Speaking of which, the new trend for wearing spandex all the time is awesome for those of us with weight issues that change by the day....love the comfort...love the look...

Here is another fun outfit...my cousin and I decided to double the fun of wearing joy and get matching outfits...purple no less and even purple "I gave a fuck once" socks...how fun is that? And notice my cousin's purple hair...the joy is overflowing!

How about these Lee jeans reminding you how gorgeous you are!  We need positive subliminal messages on everything we wear, can we ever have too much encouragement?

I think I already dress for joy but I will definitely do it with more awareness...and more abandon after learning about the Wear your Joy movement!  My hubby bought me a "Feminist as Fuck" t-shirt last year...I love it...to sleep in...it's definitely more abandon than I would do for day wear...but I love his ideas of joy wear!

More Joy Wear ideas...let's revolutionize our wardrobes...more joy and more comfort!!!  If it doesn't bring you joy, get rid of it!

 I love Kelly Rae Roberts art, now she has a Wear Your Joy course!

In case you don't know how to wear your joy, check out:  Pinterest Wear Your Joy

This is an incredibly fun project to change the world:  The Joy T-Shirt

Yes, you can even wear Joy Juice

Joy...it's happening now!

Bucket list to Joy

My sister and cousin checked off a big bucket list item, sky diving! While I bowed out, not being much of a thrill seeker, my sister asked, "What is on your Bucket List?"  That has taken some thought.  I made a bucket list the year I turned 50 (almost 3 years ago) in a post of a blog that I kept for the year, doing something new every week of my fiftieth year on earth!  Here it is a few years later...still some to go, and some I just don't want to do anymore.  I know this about myself, I'm not a thrill seeker, my life is full of enough anxiety, but I am an adventurer...my goal is simple, experience adventure and find ways to relax...as economically as possible!

1.    write a book, still a goal, but I'm less excited and motivated, maybe just finish the one I started

2.    hike every week  OK, NOT REALISTIC in San Diego without a lot of driving which is anything but relaxing.

3.    Go on a volunteer trip abroad still a goal, maybe create my own

4.    Take an Alaskan cruise  Johnny would prefer a driving adventure

5.    visit ancient mayan ruins in Mexico Christmas 2017!

6.    visit the aztec ruins at four corners  still a goal

7.    Grow a vegetable garden  not likely...but maybe

8.    Do NaNoWriMo  see #1

9.    join a book club  I DID!

10. be a literacy volunteer I got certified but never did it, it's a big commitment, lol

11. Journal regularly check

12. go sailing check

13. go on a wine tasting tour check

14. make a happiness project check (Joy blog)

15. stop being co-dependent HAHAHAHAHA

16. buy a new car check

17. beat my anxiety see #15

18. learn to make video youtubes check

19. Go to Paris check

20. Lose 20 pounds  see #15

21. Visit Machu Picchu still a goal

22. Buy red heels. check

23. skinny dip in the ocean check SERIOUSLY DID IT!  Will never do it again.

24. Read Les Miserables uh, no, way too long, but saw the movie, it counts

25. get a raise check (two since then!!!)  I'm hoping for another one...

26. go on a weekend meditation by myself still a goal

27. be a vegetarian for 30 days not really necessary

28. treat myself to a health spa trip still a goal

29. take a dance class  does zumba count?

30. get rid of the age spots on my face  I had a peel but it didn't work

 31. Yoga four times a week I try

32. blog weekly check

33. build a Habitat for Humanity home  it's a nice thought but I've had enough of building houses, I live in an apartment so I'm not likely to build a home for someone else...oh yea, I already did that...twice, argh.

 34.  make some new friends check

35.  LOVE more and JUDGE less work in progress forever and ever

My new list is mostly travel, a fantastic trip every year until I can retire:

1. Train trip in the US
2. Hike Machu Picchu
3. Alaskan driving adventure 
4. Spain with Melissa when she graduates
5. Health Spa trip
6. Take all 4 kids to Yellowstone at some point
7. Cancun/Ruins 2017
8. Maui/snorkeling 2016
9. Amsterdam/Brussels/Berlin
10. Polynesian Islands 
11. Greece
12. San Juan Islands

As well as some zen daily practices:

1. Yoga and meditation practice
2. Read and write daily
3. Drink tea
4. Eat less meat and more vegetables
5. Walk more, goal 10,000 steps
6. Shut up sooner (therapist advice for better relationships)

Photographic Joy

I love the technology of digital cameras and phones so we can take as many pictures as we want at no cost.  It wasn't that long ago that you had to actually buy film and pay to print photos.  My biggest problem is the amount of photos I have and not knowing quite how to organize them or keep them.  I have them all over the place, Flickr, two Facebook accounts, as well as miscellaneous blogs over the years.  I've also had them on computers but I always lose them when the computer crashes so I keep them all online now.  Of course, there is also all the old printed ones in photo albums and scrapbooks.  Those were a lot of work and I don't even enjoy getting out the old dusty books.

I LOVE having all the photos, I love looking back at all the memories of my life, my children, my friends, my travels...and even my food!  It brings back all the incredible sights, sounds and tastes.

One of my favorite things to do is create slide shows of my photos with music.  It's even easy to just take a photo of an old print photo and upload it!  I'm not a perfectionist and don't really want to take the time to be that creative so am thrilled that YouTube allows you to create a quick slide show with as many photos as you want and store it online with all your other slide shows.

I can just sit and watch them over and over with background music.  I have them of my children, my travels, wedding and honeymoon, even my first mud run.  They aren't professional photos or professional videography, just me and my memories in a quick slide show with music (although some of them are missing the music since I didn't know what I was doing!), easy to keep up with...no stress, lots of joy!  My YouTube Slide shows - Memories of Joy

One of my favorites for Mother's Day today:

The joy of being brave...sometimes you are just ready!

Friday was a big day for one of my hubby's students.  This 13 year old boy has down syndrome and never has had a regular hair cut.  He didn't like anyone touching him and his mom had to resort to cutting his hair while he slept, when necessary.  As part of public special education life skills are tied into math, English, science, and history lessons...trying to assimilate the kids into a normal classroom despite many not likely to graduate high school and more importantly adapting school lessons into life lessons that will give them more independence, it's not an easy task with a classroom full of special needs kids.

This boy had a fascination recently with barber shops so it was incorporated into his daily lessons like making posters for English about barbers, downloading photos for computer skills, etc.  He liked the old time barber handle bar mustaches.  

My hubby decided to take the risk and take him down to a real barber...actually the local Super Cut store about a mile from school as part of a school lesson.  My hubby got permission from mom but she was certain he would not even consider an actual hair cut.  But for whatever reason, this day, he was ready.  Was it his male teacher and friend that went with him, a manly bonding experience?  Was it all the preparation of talking about barbers?  Who knows, but this day he was ready to be brave and lucky to have all the right supporters in his corner for the experience.  

The hair stylist was a champ, chatting it up with him and even taking the time with the styling gel, teaching him to create a wave in his hair and giving him the chance to practice doing it himself.  He had a pediatric dentist in the chair getting a hair cut next to him, cheering him on and enjoying this big step in his life.  Mom was delightfully surprised that her little boy had done a pretty grown up thing that day and grateful for a teacher that works so hard to help the kids accomplish their goals.

We rarely recognize true bravery in others, it is often such a personal moment of triumph that it looks like nothing to the outside world.  If we are lucky we are close enough to someone who lets us in on those personal moments of pure bravery against their own struggles or weaknesses. Even though I don't know this student of my husband's, I feel lucky to hear his story and share in his triumph. I'm grateful when I can share with someone close my own brave moments and that they can cheer me on recognize what a big moment it is for me.  Unfortunately, often, we are being brave all on our own...and that's the bravest of all!

My favorite song on being brave: