Searching for Joy

Trigger Warning...my rant...my therapy.

It's been a tough week...on everyone.  Election season has never had such an effect on me. I vote, I watch, I accept, I move on.  My daily life is pretty far removed from it all.  The outcome has never been a big deal, our government system is broken and I feel little control over any of it.  If you weren't certain how broken it was, you certainly are now...even if your team won and you are gloating, I don't think you can deny the brokenness of it all.  And maybe that brokenness is merely a reflection of ourselves, we did this, we allowed it.  While I don't believe Trump is the change agent many are hoping for, I do believe the American people are.

This election is so different than any before.  It's personal.  I've been bullied.  I've been abused.  I know how much it hurts.  It hurts even more to watch my loved ones be abused.  But what hurts most of all, is to have my friends, my neighbors and my loved ones stand along side the abuser, virtually betraying and dismissing very real pain of those being abused.  If you don't know what I'm talking about you must live in a silo.  This isn't my first time on this merry go round, it seems to be a theme in my life...and maybe everyone to some degree.  And so I work hard to understand the human condition...why do we do this to each other? Why do we abuse?  Why do we rally along with abusers?  Why do we ignore abuse?  Why is it so hard to even recognize it at times?  What exactly are we to do about it anyway? Often we become the abuser as we fight abuse...it starts feeling like a circle of insanity and no one feels good.

I don't even think most who voted for Trump actually wanted him, more likely felt stuck with him...with the exception of those who rally along side his vitriol and hate for a certain white agenda...please let that not be those who surround me, it quite literally terrifies me. I'm working hard to believe those who voted for Trump had good intentions and were not meaning to create fear and trauma for others.  And since he is going to be our President at this point, I will rally around and vote for him to succeed, please! Prove.Me.Wrong.  Nothing would make me happier.  In the mean time, all of us, especially white Americans need to rally around the marginalized and traumatized that this election has unleashed so much pain, fear, trauma and abuse on and demand that of our leaders as well.  Be a safe ally, be aware of bullying and stop it, STAND UP FOR EACH OTHER...this is not easy for me so I don't doubt it's not easy for you but we need to recognize where we have privilege and safety and others among us do not.  The fact is the popular vote went to Clinton and along with the independents, far more people wanted ANYONE but Trump.  That says to me that hate may rule but love wins...power to the people devoted to loving each other...and we desperately need a revolution of love.  Don't get me wrong, love does not mean silence and going along with the crowd, it means caring, support, empathy, standing up for what is right without violence, without hatred, without bullying.  Most of us aren't trained in this.  We come with our various levels of family dysfunction that we were raised with...all of us need to reflect on our own flaws and just try to be better, get therapy, read, take classes...you can never have too much knowledge. I'm pointing at myself along with with everyone else.  This is a collective effort, a painful recognition of our weakness but a chance to try harder.

In my attempts to console myself this week I've had to put up some strong boundaries and not talk to those who do not understand and are not emotionally safe for me in my own grief.  Good for me, a sign of healthy self care.  So I'm spending my time examining what happened, why did it happen and what do we do about it now.  I mean that collectively, I am certain those who voted for Trump and all his hateful speech actually want peace and love and happiness as well.  We can only move forward.

I started reading a book this morning, called How Mankind Committed the Ultimate Infamy at Auschwitz by Laurence Rees.  My worst fears stare me in the face with these quotes:

This author has studied all three of the major totalitarian powers, Germany, Japan, and the Soviet Union and has learned how different the Nazi war criminals were compared to the other groups. There was a pervasive climate of fear in the others...Germany, that didn't exist.

"In Nazi, Germany, however, unless you were a member of a specific risk group - the Jews, the Communists, the gypsies, homosexuals, the "work-shy," and anyone who opposed the regime - you could live comparatively free from fear."  

"...Nazi's carefully built upon pre-existing convictions.  Anti-semitism existed in Germany long before Adolf Hitler...Hitler brought no originality of political thought - what he brought was originality of leadership...Germans voluntarily turned to the Nazi's for a solution to the country's ills, no one in the elections of 1932 was forced at gunpoint to vote for the Nazis...Nazis went on to gain power within the existing law."

Dr. Josef Goebbels, one of the most effective propagandists for the Nazis, "believed that it was always preferable to reinforce the existing prejudice of the audience rather than to try to change someones mind." 

"His technique was to move like a convoy - always at the speed of the slowest vessel and constantly to reiterate, in subtly different ways, the message he wanted the audience to receive.  And in doing so he rarely tried to tell the viewers anything - he showed images and told stories that led ordinary Germans to reach the conclusion he wanted, while leaving them thinking that they had worked it out for themselves."

Interestingly, in 1941 there was a Nazi caused food crisis in the ghetto...to which the idea of extermination was offered up out of "humanity" rather than let them starve to death...and on down the slippery slope to gas chambers we go.

Hitler's "love of radicalism, plus his technique of encouraging massive competition within the Nazi leadership by often appointing two people to do more or less the same job, meant that there was intense dynamism in the political and administrative system, plus intense inherent instability."

"Individual Nazi's were not coerced by crude threats to commit murders themselves.  No, this was a collective enterprise owned by thousands of people, who each made the decision not just to take part but to contribute initiatives in order to solve the problem of how to kill human beings and dispose of their bodies on a scale never attempted before."

As dreary as this sounds...the important part is understanding our history, as well as learning and gaining insight to the human condition and how fragile our minds are and can be easily led for better...or for worse.  What the survivors and perpetrators taught the author in his research is that "human behavior is fragile and unpredictable and often at the mercy of the situation."  The author goes on to say:

"If there is a spark of hope, however, it is in the power of the family as a sustaining force.  Time and again heroic acts were committed by those sent to the camps, for the sake of a father, mother, brother, sister, child."

"This history also shows us, however, that if individuals can be buffeted around by the situation then groups of human beings working together can create better cultures, which, in turn, can help cause individuals to behave more virtuously.  The story of how the Danes rescued their Jews, and, of how they ensured that the Jews had a warm welcome when they returned at the end of the war, is a striking example of that.  The culture in Denmark of a strong and widely held belief in human rights helped make the majority of individuals behave in a noble way."  Can we please create this culture?

"...One form of partial protection against more atrocities like Auschwitz lies in individuals collectively ensuring the cultural mores of their society are antipathetic to such suffering. The overtly Darwinian ideals of Nazism, which rested on telling every "Aryan" German that he or she was racially superior, created, of course, precisely the reverse effect."  How many times are we reminded who is superior to who in our culture?  It's subtle but it's there.  Straight or LGBT?  Religious or secular?  White or colored?  Rich or poor?  Fat or skinny? We live in a very divisive culture that creates elitism that is very dangerous.  Maybe we can start by just being aware of how we contribute to it or stand up to it.  I'm not worried about gas chambers...our society is much more tech savvy and globalized...but there is plenty of other possibilities to be wary of and we see the damage all around us.

So where is my joy today?  Activism for a revolution of love...in any way possible. Yesterday was giving my favorite childhood book, James and the Giant Peach to a book drive for local kids experiencing poverty and enjoying a book club that we had election week therapy. Today, it's studying the most damaging bully ever and wearing a safety pin to signify I'm a safe ally...there will be no judgment or bullying in my space (that holds me accountable too!).  I'm feeling small and flawed about what I can do to make a difference with my limited time, abilities and money...but after this week, I sure want to do something about the trauma that exists in me as well as that which surrounds me.  No doubt it starts with my own family and those I am surrounded by...you really don't have to go out of your way at all to find people to love on...some just take a lot more work than others.