I love retreats. I haven't been on that many, a couple organized ones and several that are just fun girl time. I recently returned from a fantastic retreat with 12-15 wonderful women (some came and went as their schedules allowed) and a favorite author, Carol Lynn Pearson. The retreat was specifically interesting to me because of her new book that I am enthralled with, The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy.
While there I also bought another one of her books Embracing Coincidence, Transforming your Life through Synchronicity. The irony being the synchronicity of my going to the retreat at all. This book is for my sister, I got her an autographed copy because I know she will like it (but I'm reading it first!).
It all started with my marriage to my second husband...I discussed this in my last post so won't go into it, but here is the synchronicity: Five years ago I was disgusted in eternal polygamy still practiced in the LDS temple; three years ago Carol Lynn requested stories on that topic and I sent mine to her; several months ago Carol Lynn published an incredible book about eternal polygamy (no, my story wasn't in it but she did address all my concerns and more); just before my cabin trip my cousin gets me an autographed copy at a book signing in Utah and brought it to me at my grandparents cabin; a friend invites me to a book club that is discussing the new polygamy book (which was awesome); one of the book club members just a short time later organizes a retreat and I get invited since I went to the book club; I go to the retreat and one of the discussions is on synchronicity...which ironically she wrote a book about which is what this post is all about; I also read her first book, Goodbye I Love You when I was 16 (enlightening me to the LGBT issues I'd never even considered before), at my grandparents cabin, which I believe was left there by the same cousin that got me the autographed polygamy book and brought it to the cabin almost 40 years later. Synchronicity?
I feel like I've come full circle with my issues with polygamy...Carol Lynn has slayed the dragon with the power of her words, come what may, I feel validated in my views and perspectives. My tender feelings, strong emotions, fierce anger, all of it has been seen, heard, addressed. I can finally put down my sword and let it rest. I've done what I needed to do to take care of myself, examining both polygamy and the doctrine, history and policies of the LDS church form every angle and then leaving the organization that created and continues this and other damaging practices. It's not for me but I respect those that still feel their place is within those walls.
It is definitely a highlight of my life to be with Carol Lynn for an entire weekend, to eat sitting next to her and have one on one conversations, to sit at her feet and listen to her stories and poetry from her own voice, to ask a multitude of questions and listen to her open, authentic and honest answers about painful and personal experiences as well as thoughtful encouraging words and advice, to explore the painful topic of polygamy in our history, our present and our future.
She is a talented, wise, lovable and beautiful human being. The whole experience was like healing water to my wounded soul. She is a unique and courageous woman who's done much for healing women in and out of the church, no doubt. My favorite advice from Carol Lynn, "Be a little more brave." I will try. She has definitely inspired me to try a little harder at being brave, at holding my head up high, at living my authentic life the way I want to live it without worry of what others may think.
I have a picture swirling in my head of the weekend, of little girls holding on to the tendrils of a brightly colored flowing skirt of a beautiful large Goddess dancing in the sun holding the world in her hands. A whimsical empowering picture. I wish I was an artist so I could put the picture on my wall. This time Carol Lynn is the Goddess, but maybe tomorrow it's me or my sister or my cousins or my friends, or my daughter...yes, definitely my daughter. We all are Wonder Women, sometimes the mentor, sometimes the mentee, exactly as it should be.
Some of the women at the retreat I had not met yet, others I met once or twice at the book club and one, I've known for awhile who was kind enough to go with me even though it made us a little nervous (the whole Mormon/Progressive Mormon/Post Mormon/Ex- Mormon quandary and wondering where do we fit in this crazy space?). We fit just fine and we had a blast connecting with each other and the other women as well. We were all comfortable and welcome on the spectrum of Mormondom, wherever we stood.
We stayed two nights in a 6 bedroom Airbnb home with pool and hot tub in Orange County. We volunteered and divided up the meals (which were all divine) and sat in a circle in the living room listening to Carol Lynn as we discussed our own stories and where we were at with the church and our lives; listened to a shortened version of her one woman play, Mother Wove the Morning; discussed her new book on Polygamy as well as synchronicity and being awake in our lives. She read many of her poems throughout the weekend and we even had one woman do a fun rendition of a song from My Turn on Earth, her play most of us grew up with. Carol Lynn went to bed early while the rest of us stayed up late talking in the hot tub. We were also privileged to have a lady come one night to do sound therapy with us using Tibetan bowls and a gong as we lay on yoga mats. One can never have too much therapy. A lovely gathering of Wonder Women. I feel lucky to be counted among them.
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