Holistic Therapy and Joy

I love trying new things and am fascinated with holistic therapies, here are a few of my most recent holistic adventures:

While in Virginia Beach I visited the Edgar Cayce Center, he is famous for his psychic medical readings which the holistic center is based on. I also got his book to read a bit more about him...it's a fascinating story...he died in 1945 but his center lives on.  There are probably as many skeptics as believers, which fascinates me most of all...if something is true, how do we really know (does it matter if people are enjoying it?) and what does it say about those that follow or don't follow? People are fascinating.  That's a whole other post.  I tried the castor oil and reflexology treatment along with their own unique massage. I did feel very relaxed after it.

I went to a salt cave in North Carolina since I wasn't feeling well from allergies and altitude...45 minutes was supposed to have the same effect as 4 days at the beach.  It was very relaxing...not sure if it was as powerful as a vacation on the beach.

I bought a green therapy stone (I can't remember the name) from the cute gift shop for my meditations, it's supposed to protect me from negative emotions, I could use that!  I also got a purple and rose quartz necklace that is supposed to bring me harmony and joy...for my year of joy!

This week I'm researching Chakra balancing, I could use some balance in my life.  I love this 10 minute meditation in the mornings: Chakra Meditation Balancing & Healing  
















Color and art therapy is a couple others I've been enjoying reading about.  Colors have a lot of power...make sure you include the ones you want in your life, the way you dress, the colors in your house, whatever!  Purple is supposed to help with creativity...I need more purple in my life.  I need more art therapy...gives such a better balance to my life.  I really enjoy Paint Nite but I've got to bring it home and do more on my own...writing comes pretty naturally but I really struggle with feeling good about my paintings...I have such a hard time just letting go, lots of inhibitions I suppose...

Simple Definition of inhibition

• : a nervous feeling that prevents you from expressing your thoughts, emotions, or desires

I'm a work in progress...working now on challenging those inhibitions!  Emotions are a powerful resource for creativity...anger, grief, jealousy...pour it into painting, writing, whatever...get it out in some way so you can let it go.  Dream:  November I will focus on creative writing and art therapy since it's NaNoWriMo, hah, MAYBE I'll post my accomplishments.  Reality: I always have bigger goals than I can possibly accomplish.

The Joy of Journaling

Anyone who knows me knows I love my journals and blogs and all things that involve words. My favorite quote that describes exactly why that is:

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And besides, I write better then I speak.  I have time to think what I want to say when I write.  When I speak, I tend to be either intimidated and silent as I try to think about what to say or opinionated and abrasive if it's one of my hot buttons...not necessarily good.  

While at the retreat with Carol Lynn Pearson we talked about keeping the things we learned from the church we were raised in that we loved and tossing what no longer resonates with us.  One of the things I definitely learned at church was keeping a journal and it's definitely not being tossed.  

I've been keeping journals since 1975 and blogs since 2004. They are random and silly and not important to anyone but me.  They have made the trek through the past thirty plus moves over my crazy gypsy life.  While I clean out my closets mercilessly for the next move, the journals never get cleaned out.  They are just stuffed in a box that follows me wherever I go.   I don't know what that says about me, but it says something.  I even have journals I've kept about my children for a while hoping they would adopt the practice but they didn't keep it up.  

I have about 20 blogs of miscellaneous sorts, poems, short stories, essays, miscellaneous blog posts of my life.  It's fun to go back and read them because I don't remember much and then I get to remember these amazing days and experiences...that didn't seem amazing at the time, but they totally were!

For instance, almost 10 years ago I wrote the below posts, one in 2006 and the other in 2007 before my first marriage ended. Back story: I had issues with my hair, I always cut it myself. I would never let anyone touch it.  I literally have never cut my own hair again after I met Carola:

December 21, 2006 I have this ridiculous wild hair. And I have control issues. The two do not go together well. When I feel the least in control of my life, I cut my hair, myself. Very bad. But I don't trust anyone else to cut it, control issues, after all. So it goes from bad to worse as I try and fix the cut that I tried to control in the first place. It is in the middle of the night and I am cutting my hair...says a lot about my state of mind right now. I've come along way though...I still do it, but at least I recognize the dysfunctional behavior...that has to count for something. I did actually stop myself before I went too short...at least tonight anyways. Yes, my state of mind...confusion for the most part. I'm trying to imagine myself just letting the worms go (referring to a dream I had about opening a can of worms and losing control of them as they took over my life but I worked tirelessly and pointlessly at sweeping them up)...stop sweeping, let them go where they want to go. I don't have to clean them up...do I? 

May 24, 2007 I also actually got my hair cut while I was down there (on vacation in Oceanside)...it was a big deal for me to walk into a strange place and have a perfect stranger cut my hair. I'm facing my fears. I did it and she did a good job. Actually, I adored her. She was from Sweden and (she) could tell just by looking at me that I was Swedish (my mother is a full Swede) so she couldn't stop talking about it. She had a cute accent and acted like my very best friend...made the whole experience very positive. I wish I could have brought her home with me so I could keep her as a friend and for my future hair cuts. Maybe I'll go back to see her next year.

The rest of the story: I did go back to her the next year, and then I moved here in 2009 after my divorce (I let the worms go where they needed to go) and she has been cutting and highlighting my hair four times a year for the last ten years...and she is now my very sweet friend who probably knows more about me than anyone since it takes about 2 or 3 hours to do my hair and I tend to verbally vomit when someone takes an interest in what I have to say.  She has followed me through my divorce, dating after 23 years of marriage, remarrying, leaving the LDS church, as well as various dramas with my four gypsy children. The picture is us at Paint Nite a couple recently.  She said to me when she came in, "Your hair looks great!" And of course I replied, "Thank you, I have the BEST hair stylist!"  She is also my very own hair therapist.  It's fascinating to revisit your own growth in life.  I love my journals.

The Joy of Retreats

I love retreats.  I haven't been on that many, a couple organized ones and several that are just fun girl time. I recently returned from a fantastic retreat with 12-15 wonderful women (some came and went as their schedules allowed) and a favorite author, Carol Lynn Pearson. The retreat was specifically interesting to me because of her new book that I am enthralled with, The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy.

While there I also bought another one of her books Embracing Coincidence, Transforming your Life through Synchronicity. The irony being the synchronicity of my going to the retreat at all.  This book is for my sister, I got her an autographed copy because I know she will like it (but I'm reading it first!).

It all started with my marriage to my second husband...I discussed this in my last post so won't go into it, but here is the synchronicity: Five years ago I was disgusted in eternal polygamy still practiced in the LDS temple; three years ago Carol Lynn requested stories on that topic and I sent mine to her; several months ago Carol Lynn published an incredible book about eternal polygamy (no, my story wasn't in it but she did address all my concerns and more); just before my cabin trip my cousin gets me an autographed copy at a book signing in Utah and brought it to me at my grandparents cabin; a friend invites me to a book club that is discussing the new polygamy book (which was awesome); one of the book club members just a short time later organizes a retreat and I get invited since I went to the book club; I go to the retreat and one of the discussions is on synchronicity...which ironically she wrote a book about which is what this post is all about; I also read her first book, Goodbye I Love You when I was 16 (enlightening me to the LGBT issues I'd never even considered before), at my grandparents cabin, which I believe was left there by the same cousin that got me the autographed polygamy book and brought it to the cabin almost 40 years later. Synchronicity?

  

I feel like I've come full circle with my issues with polygamy...Carol Lynn has slayed the dragon with the power of her words, come what may, I feel validated in my views and perspectives.  My tender feelings, strong emotions, fierce anger, all of it has been seen, heard, addressed.  I can finally put down my sword and let it rest.  I've done what I needed to do to take care of myself, examining both polygamy and the doctrine, history and policies of the LDS church form every angle and then leaving the organization that created and continues this and other damaging practices. It's not for me but I respect those that still feel their place is within those walls.

It is definitely a highlight of my life to be with Carol Lynn for an entire weekend, to eat sitting next to her and have one on one conversations, to sit at her feet and listen to her stories and poetry from her own voice, to ask a multitude of questions and listen to her open, authentic and honest answers about painful and personal experiences as well as thoughtful encouraging words and advice, to explore the painful topic of polygamy in our history, our present and our future.  

She is a talented, wise, lovable and beautiful human being. The whole experience was like healing water to my wounded soul.  She is a unique and courageous woman who's done much for healing women in and out of the church, no doubt. My favorite advice from Carol Lynn, "Be a little more brave." I will try. She has definitely inspired me to try a little harder at being brave, at holding my head up high, at living my authentic life the way I want to live it without worry of what others may think.  

I have a picture swirling in my head of the weekend, of little girls holding on to the tendrils of a brightly colored flowing skirt of a beautiful large Goddess dancing in the sun holding the world in her hands.  A whimsical empowering picture.  I wish I was an artist so I could put the picture on my wall. This time Carol Lynn is the Goddess, but maybe tomorrow it's me or my sister or my cousins or my friends, or my daughter...yes, definitely my daughter.  We all are Wonder Women, sometimes the mentor, sometimes the mentee, exactly as it should be.

Some of the women at the retreat I had not met yet, others I met once or twice at the book club and one, I've known for awhile who was kind enough to go with me even though it made us a little nervous (the whole Mormon/Progressive Mormon/Post Mormon/Ex- Mormon quandary and wondering where do we fit in this crazy space?).  We fit just fine and we had a blast connecting with each other and the other women as well.  We were all comfortable and welcome on the spectrum of Mormondom, wherever we stood.

We stayed two nights in a 6 bedroom Airbnb home with pool and hot tub in Orange County. We volunteered and divided up the meals (which were all divine) and sat in a circle in the living room listening to Carol Lynn as we discussed our own stories and where we were at with the church and our lives; listened to a shortened version of her one woman play, Mother Wove the Morning; discussed her new book on Polygamy as well as synchronicity and being awake in our lives.  She read many of her poems throughout the weekend and we even had one woman do a fun rendition of a song from My Turn on Earth, her play most of us grew up with.  Carol Lynn went to bed early while the rest of us stayed up late talking in the hot tub.  We were also privileged to have a lady come one night to do sound therapy with us using Tibetan bowls and a gong as we lay on yoga mats.  One can never have too much therapy.  A lovely gathering of Wonder Women.  I feel lucky to be counted among them.

The Joy of Validation

Serious Trigger Warning:  This may offend you if you are Mormon, or trigger you if you were one (or are on any level in between). You have been warned, don't read it if you can't handle it.  It's also not open for argument, these are my personal feelings and views.

This post is about one of the most validating experiences I have ever had...which gave me incredible joy.  I wrote an essay a few years ago about a subject I felt very strongly about after one of my favorite authors requested stories for a project she was working on.  I submitted my essay, along with about 8,000 others who also feel strongly about polygamy.  The author has since finished her project and published her book, and no, mine wasn't specifically included but many had similar stories...besides mine was verrrryyyy long.  As if that wasn't awesome enough, this weekend I have the privilege of attending a women's retreat with the author to discuss it!  I'm beyond excited! I'm also taking my autographed book that Carole Thayne Warburton, my sweet cousin, and also an author, got for me when she met her a few months ago at a book club.  Seems like a good time to share my story.

Below is my blog post along with the essay I submitted in 2013. Amazingly with 8,000 submissions, Carol Lynn sent me a sweet personal reply as well, which I really appreciated.

Writing for Social and Religious Change:  

My Story:  Polygamy and Me

Carol Lynn Pearson is an author I greatly admire.  I read her first book Goodbye, I Love You as a teenager when I found it at my grandfather's cabin in Yellowstone.  It was about her Mormon temple marriage and finding out she was married to a homosexual, then divorcing and caring for him as he died of AIDS.  It was eyeopening and jaw dropping at my young age.

She has since written many things and is still active in the church but is an active feminist and fighter of the good fight, especially for homosexuals.  Her most recent challenge is eternal polygamy.  Yes, she called for stories about our feelings on the subject and boy do I have some strong ones.  Yes, I wrote my story and I'm going to send it in.  I have been wanting to write and never can find what motivates me other than blogging, etc.  I'll write a chapter here or there but then life takes over and I never finish anything.  This is the one that made me sit still and finish my story...I just needed something that ignited my passion I guess.

Here is her call:

Eternal Polygamy – Carol Lynn Pearson is calling for stories

And here is my story:

My Story:  Polygamy and Me

The Joys of Wine

I didn't start drinking alcohol until I was 50.  Why?  Religion. Mormon, that is. Even in my teens...never even tried it.  I wasn't a party girl so there wasn't much opportunity.  Or maybe it was fear of going to hell, I take things very seriously. So seriously that I even had a suitcase full of emergency supplies in the closet when I was a child, just in case the end of the world happened during the night. The suitcase was right next to my Mark Spitz in a speedo poster (hidden in the closet so no one would know I lusted after him).  I hadn't really thought through the fact that I probably wouldn't need supplies for the end of the world, somehow I assumed I would survive it, which was a frightening thought...I would have preferred death.  Now I realize wine would have really helped my anxiety, another wine drinking bonus, relaxer of the socially awkward.  It may have helped my lack of a social life or made me an easier person to live with.  Kidding, I'm super easy to live with, right?

I was definitely missing out.  Now that I've left the religion I was raised in (that's a whole other post that doesn't have much to do with joy), I have fallen head over hills in love with wine.  Seriously, a night alone with wine is a GREAT night!  It's like taking a Xanax or Valium to take the edge off...but better because you get to sip it and it tastes yummy, and it feeeeeeels divine.  Another bonus is that my sweet tooth is satisfied with a glass of wine, no dessert needed.  That may sound strange to those without a sweet tooth or who think dessert is for 'special' occasions but I was raised with dessert with every dinner...I had a Swedish mother...it's hard to get over the need for a sweet at the end of a meal...thus wine is the answer, my friend.

I've also always had a really hard time sitting still, ADD?  Not with wine, I can just sit on my couch and enjoy the beautiful sunset without a care in the world...which is what I'm doing right now!

My wine progression has been interesting.  At first I didn't like it...so why drink it you ask?  I just needed to find the right wine.  Several years ago I got together for a cooking night once a month with co-workers...we didn't drink...or they didn't drink because I didn't drink maybe, I'm not sure. Instead of alcohol I would make everyone a specialty cocktail I created, I called it the Maria Sangria.  It was cranberry juice, diet sprite and frozen mixed berries.  It was delicious.  So I realized I needed to find a sweet wine, a dessert wine for my sweet tooth.  I fell in love with Moscato, specifically Barefoot Wine Moscato (because I love their mission and vision), throw in some berries and it's almost like my Maria Sangria...with a kick.  Since then I've graduated to the drier wines like Chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc, now my favorite is New Zealand's Starborough Sauvignon Blanc, it's more like a tangy grapefruit taste.

So far I prefer the whites but I'm loving trying them all...it takes some time.  It's fun to get together with my adult children and try new wines along with some deep conversation.  I've been to a few wine tastings now...really enjoyable...everyone is always happy at a wine tasting.  I'm no wine connoisseur, I'm happy with cheap wines, World Market has great sales and a huge variety.  I asked my Swedish friend what her favorite was...it's a red Pinot Noir, I'll have to try it.  I asked her how often she drinks wine, because she's really thin and I just wondered what "normal" is for drinking in the secular world because I'm clueless and don't know a lot of wine drinkers other than the ones like me that have recently left religion who are also challenging the biases they were raised with.  Once a day? Once a week? Once a month?  She was funny, she thought about it deeply and said, "Usually just the weekend...oh and hump day (Wednesday) or if there is something special going on (we were at Paint Nite drinking wine on a Tuesday)...well, basically whenever I want, I don't really think about it."  Was I looking for permission or approval?  I'm a grown up, I don't need any one's permission or approval...I'll drink wine whenever I want.