Joy of Synchronicity and Memories

syn·chro·nic·i·ty

ˌsiNGkrəˈnisədē/

noun

1. 1.

   the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

The joy of memories and the joy of synchronicity should probably be two different posts but today I enjoyed both and wanted to share.

I woke up this morning and remembered it is my oldest brother's birthday today.  He passed away several years ago, way too young, he would have been 56 today.  I still think of him often.  As I was leaving the house for work I looked at my phone to see if I was running late (I was), my phone showed 8:18 on 8/18, I sort of froze and felt like my brother was reminding me it's his day and he was saying hello.  Of course, I said, "Hello!" 

I thought of him throughout the morning, little memories of going to art films with him and his friends, the cool teenagers with the dorky little sister, I felt so grateful when they included me.  The bruise on my arm where he enjoyed socking me for no reason when he passed me by...brotherly love.  Him teaching me to drive, and making me listen to a long lecture of how the car works (I wasn't interested).  Taking me on my first hike to bathtub rock, his secret surf spot and talking about relationships and philosophy. Laying on the beach with his new baby daughter on my tummy keeping her quiet while her parents enjoyed some time in the ocean.  Standing outside the temple with him at my other brother's wedding, feeling a bit like the shunned side of the family.  Him sending me $500 for no reason, with no expectation or explanation, during a particularly difficult time in my life with four little kids. Going to an Elvis Costello concert in LA as adults.  

We didn't stay in close touch over the years, we had a large distance between us and not that much in common in our busy lives, so it was fun when he invited us out of the blue to do something or showed up for a rare camping or fishing trip in northern California and, of course, we almost always saw him at Christmas at the Park City traditional family ski vacation. It wasn't until shortly before he passed that I learned of his love of writing (one of many of his artistic and musical pursuits), a passion we shared and the screen play he was toiling over, I loved hearing his ideas.  In fact, that is where I last saw him, in Park City where we talked about his screen play.  He wasn't a big hugger, but he was preparing to leave Park City so I went outside to say my good byes and he was already in the car.  He got out of the car and gave me a big hug.  It seemed unusual at the time but I appreciated it. Even more so when he passed just a few months later and that was my last memory of him. After his passing I was thrilled to see all the writing he did over the years, packed in boxes...much like my own.  Kindred spirits?

A co-worker invited me to lunch today and several tables near us had this incredible looking dessert along with birthday balloons and presents (seriously, was it everyone's birthday today?) and I asked what it was...this incredible looking dessert...the waitress said it was a special birthday "messy sundae", and then winked and asked if it was a birthday today? I, of course said, yes, actually it is.  So we had free messy birthday sundae to celebrate this special day with my brother.  It was a melting pot of memories and synchronicity today.

I texted my mom to say "Happy Birthday to John" since I knew she would appreciate remembering his day, too. Mom shared with me this song from the musical Hamilton that makes her think of my brother and father who passed away, way too young.  I had never heard it but really appreciated the lyrics, especially these lines...which speak for themselves:

Let me tell you what I wish I'd known

When I was young and dreamed of glory

You have no control:

Who lives

Who dies

Who tells your story?

And when my time is up

Have I done enough?

Will they tell my story?

I googled my brother, looking for a picture because I have a hard time keeping track of the most basic things and, of course, google has everything within a click...up pops the blog my mom created to remember him (made from the blog he created).  It's one story of many stories that are left behind about him.  He did so many amazing things in his short time on earth.  I remember being overwhelmed when I had heard of his death, why him?  He had so much to offer, give and enjoy in the world...I would have rather gone in his place, life felt like such a struggle for me at the time.  His passing also made me want to live my life differently, more like his, more travels, more experiences, more reading, more writing, more knowledge, more of everything that I never seemed to have time for.  It became my life pursuit...time for joy...and here we are in my blog this year, all about living a life of joy.  I'm glad John could be a part of it.

Thank you, John, thank you for stopping in to say hello today, for reminding me of some precious memories, and especially for the reminder to just enjoy this life and create my own stories worthy of telling when my time is up.

John Hardy